First Love

  First Love

  First Love

  Kindle Version

  Copyright 2018 Tiya Rayne

  Published by Tiya Rayne

  Cover Design by Olivia Pro Design

  Edition License Notes

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return to your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  WARNING: This book deals with adult situations, it contains sexually explicit scenes and adult language. It may be considered offensive to some readers.

  Table of Contents

  Eight Years Earlier

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgement

  Note from Author

  Other books by Tiya Rayne

  Connect with Tiya Rayne

  For my first and last love. TC

  But our love, it was stronger by far than the love of those who were older than we, of many far wiser than we, and neither the angels in heaven above nor the demons down under the sea, can ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

  --Annabel Lee, Edgar Allen Poe

  8 years earlier

  I watch as my father pace in front of me. His face contorts in a scowl when he looks at me. For the last nine months, that’s the only way he looks at me. It’s hard when you realize that the unconditional love your parents claim they have, does actually have conditions. Apparently, falling in love with someone they don’t approve of is one of those conditions. I’ve gone from being a celebrated daddy’s girl to the family’s screw-up.

  I twist the end of my shirt around my fingers as I sit on the couch. Never has my childhood home felt so cold and frightening than it does in this moment. This home was once a place of safety and warmth. The spacious five bedroom, four and a half bath, brick ranch home is a beauty to behold. However, the warmth has turned cold and sterile. And the safety I once found behind these four walls was just as conditional as the love that was here.

  “We are so disappointed in you, Zora.” My mother says, finally breaking the heavy silence that my announcement made.

  She swipes a manicured finger under her eyes to wipe away the tear that streaks her perfectly applied make-up.

  Another thing I have gotten use to in these last nine months—seeing my mother cry.

  “I’m sorry.” My voice is flat, lacking the conviction that my words need to be believed.

  At this point, I doubt my apology will do me any favors anyway.

  My Mother just shakes her head at me and looks away, not attempting to hide the disgust written over her beautiful face.

  “Are you sure you’re……” Langston, my older brother and Maya’s twin, seems to struggle to get the last word out. “…..pregnant? Maybe you did it wrong. You know how uncoordinated you are.”

  I could always count on my brother to try and lighten the mood.

  Langston was the well-rounded mixture of my sister and me. He was hard working and goal driven like Maya, but had my snarky humor and ability to relax. Unlike his twin sister.

  I roll my eyes and crack the first smile of the night at him. “It’s not hard to pee on a stick, Lang.”

  “Don’t!” My father warns in a growl.

  He stops pacing and turns to me—his dark brown eyes so much like mine—staring coldly at me.

  “Now is not the time for your casual attitude and sarcasm.”

  Silently I look away. This is what hurts the most. I’ve always been the odd ball in the family. My sister and brother have always had plans, set goals and lived by them. My brother knew from a young age that he wanted to be a lawyer like our dad and grandfather. He worked hard, studied harder, and now he’s on the fast track to law school. Maya is the same. She’s only ever wanted to be a doctor. While other little girls were imagining their lives as princesses and superstars, Maya was researching the best medical schools. Her dedication and devotion got her into college on a full academic scholarship. I’ve always been the free spirit. The wild child that lived everyday like it was her last. My father once adored that about me, he would tell my mother to relax when she would go into her spill about me preparing for college and being responsible. Now even he hates that part about me.

  “You are 17, Zora. How could you be so stupid? That boy….” My father pauses and runs an angry hand across his face.

  By, “that boy”, he means Luke Trent.

  Even in the worse situations, just the mere mention of his name brings a smile to my face. It is an understatement to say that I love Luke Trent. Many people will tell you that what Luke and I share is puppy love. They would say, give it time and you will forget he ever existed. To those people I would reply, you don’t know anything. What Luke and I share is a love that is so deep that it burns in my soul. He is my other half. I’ve been drawn to him since I was six years old. No matter where he is or who he is with, we will always find each other. Even though we didn’t start our relationship until August, we’ve always had a connection. These past nine months has been the best and hardest thing I’ve ever done. And if given the chance, I would have ignored the doubts, and did it sooner.

  Living in a small town in the south, not many people agree with an interracial relationship. I’ve heard the N-word and the phrase white man’s whore enough to last me a lifetime. School has started to be unbearable. So many people doing whatever they could to taunt me or hurt me. I’ve had the N-word painted across my locker so many times the school stop cleaning it off. My car was vandalized so often it’s not worth the hassle to fix it. My house was egged and spray painted. I’ve gotten threatening phone calls and letters, I’ve lost all my friends, and I’ve even been attacked and hospitalized all because I fell in love with Luke Trent. My torture didn’t just end at school. I’ve had backlash from both black and white. My own parents have been largely against this relationship, not just because I’m black and he’s white, but because Luke doesn’t meet my father’s financial approval. My father owns his own law-firm which is extremely successful and widely known. My mother is a tenured professor at one of the top Universities in the state. Financially, we were well off. Not many people in our town would be in the same tax bracket as my parents. Yet, it was no secret that Luke’s family was on the furthest scale from my parents. He lived in a small beat up trailer in a rough neighborhood. I never cared about that. I saw the real Luke. Even from the beginning when I shared my crayons with him in first grade.

  In the last few months I gave Luke my heart, my trust, and my virginity. I would never take any of it back. I never planned to get pregnant at 17. Honestly I didn’t have any real plans for my future, but a teen mom was definitely not in it. Luke and I usually used protection, even the very first time, it was only one time we forgot. As they say, it only takes once.

  “Look, I know you guys are upset…..” I choose to ign
ore the looks from my parents that suggested they are way pass upset, and continue on. “But, Luke and I have already discussed this. We only have a week left in school, after we graduate Luke’s going to get a job and we’re going to find an apartment. I was hoping to stay here until then, but if not, Sean says we can stay with him.”

  Sean is my 19 year old cousin. A few years earlier he came out to his Southern Baptist family and I am the only person in the family to not pretend that he doesn’t exist. Eventually, life in a small town became too much for my openly gay cousin and he moved away.

  My father opens his mouth to undoubtedly say something hurtful about his brother’s only son, but my sister’s question cuts him off.

  “What about Luke’s scholarship? What about his dream to play in the NFL?”

  It doesn’t surprise me that Maya would ask about Luke’s scholarship.

  Luke has ever only had one dream in life, to play football for the University of East Carolina, and go into the NFL. Even as far back as elementary school Luke was always seen with a football in his hands. He was half way to his dreams. His exceptional skills as quarterback got him a full ride scholarship to UEC. He was so happy when he got the offer. I know that it is going to be devastating for him to give up that opportunity, but life sometimes has the ability to change things.

  “He’s going to forfeit his scholarship.” I answer.

  My sister scoffs and turns her head from me.

  “So the boy’s an idiot along with a bum.” My father snarls.

  “He’s responsible. He’s just trying to take care of me and his child.”

  My father laughs dryly. “Well he can save his energy. There isn’t going to be a child.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Whoa, Dad!” Langston says standing from his seat on the end of the sofa. “Let’s all calm down before we start talking about abortions.”

  My father ignores Langston as he stares at me. “Not only will you get rid of that damn thing, you will be going off to Brigham College immediately after graduation.”

  To appease my parents, I applied to a few colleges and universities, despite not really knowing what I would major in. One of the colleges I applied to was a historically black college for girls. It was 15 hours away from home, and Luke’s university.

  “I’m 17, I’ll be 18 in two months. I am not a child.”

  “Then why must you act like one, Zora.” He shouts. “You live life as if there are no repercussions. You think it will be easy to bring some mixed baby into this world? Its parents having no real education and no chance of ever coming up in the world. And if you think your mother and I would help you, you are out of your damn mind. I would rather watch you struggle than help you raise that child. You will be just like Luke’s parents. Living in some run down trailer surviving off state benefits.”

  That hurts.

  I know firsthand how miserable Luke’s parents are. Always fighting and bickering about their lack of money and how one brought the other down. I know what their toxic relationship does to their children. I would never want to be that way. Not to Luke, or to this baby.

  “That won’t be us.” I say the words but it doesn’t have the same fight behind it. “Luke and I will be just fine.”

  “Yeah, you will.” My dad says turning from me. “Because first thing in the morning your mother is taking you to the clinic. I will not allow that abomination into my family.” He turns and jabs a finger at my stomach.

  My tears fall without my approval. I knew my parents would be angry with me, but I thought despite what they felt for Luke, they would love their grandchild. I silently prayed that they would even forgive me and help me raise the baby.

  I swallow the knot in my throat and stand to my feet. I refuse to be sitting when I say this.

  “You can be angry with me if you want. You can tell me how disappointed you are, you can even scream and kick me out of your house. But you will never make me abort this baby.”

  I didn’t register him moving towards me, or his hand flying through the air, but I definitely felt the sting of his slap. The impact is so hard, I’m knocked to the floor.

  “Charles!” my mother shouts.

  “Dad, what the hell?” Langston calls out, he’s on his feet standing between our dad and me.

  My dad stares down at me in horror. His actions even shocked him. He opens and then close his mouth a few times like he is going to say something. Finally, he turns from me and storms into the kitchen and then the slam of the back door tells me he is outside.

  “Just go to your room, Zora. And don’t come back out until I call you.” My mother demands, she then turns to go after my dad.

  I’m left on the hardwood floor clutching my burning jaw as if I hadn’t just been smacked by the one man that is supposed to protect me.

  “Zo, you ok?” Langston holds a hand out and pulls me to my feet.

  I’m still too stunned to speak.

  My father hit me. The man that once placed me on his shoulders when I was a little girl. The one that taught me to ride a bike and dance. He struck me.

  I nod at Langston. I wasn’t ok, but I didn’t know what else to say.

  “I’ll get you an ice pack. Stay here.” My brother walks out of the room and into the kitchen.

  I stare at the back of his shirt as he leaves. I forgot I wasn’t alone. It wasn’t until my sister speaks that I remember she was there.

  “Do you love Luke, Zora?”

  I turn to Maya and she’s looking down at her hands. She asked me this in the beginning when Luke’s and my relationship went public and all hell broke out.

  I answered her then the same way I did now. “Yes. With all my heart.”

  The smile on her face is weak when she looks up at me. That familiar condescending look in her eyes. “At first I thought this was just a phase. I figured this was just another one of Zora’s fixations, like ballet or piano.” She mentions my many random interests. “I thought, eventually this will become too hard, or you would get bored and you would quit. Like everything else you’ve done. Then I saw the way you looked that day mom and dad threatened to send you away. I saw the determination and the dedication in your eyes. I had never seen that in you before. Just like I had never seen you work so hard for anything. I thought, finally my baby sister is growing up. She is now starting to take the world serious. But now,” She shrugs and turns away from me. “Now, I see that selfish little girl that had her mother run across town after a long day at work, to find her ballet shoes, only to quit after the first recital.” Her words are blunt and a punch to the throat.

  I remember that day. Every store mama went to, they were sold out of my size. She was still in her pants suit after her long day in the office. It was the week of finals at her university and she was working longer hours to make sure her students were prepared. I knew she was tired, but I just had to have the ballet shoes. I was only eight.

  Maya turns back to me and looks me directly in the eyes. “You don’t know what it feels like to want something so bad that you sacrifice those parties in High School, or that boyfriend. Even those friends that wanted you to go out with them instead of studying all the time.”

  I knew at that moment we were talking about her. Maya spent most of her life in the library or with her face buried in a school book. Always working for her dreams. Langston and I would often tease her about the world passing her by while she sat in the library.

  “…….You have never got up early in the morning to run or lift weights even though you’re tired or it’s raining. You’ve never busted your butt on a football field so that you can go to the college you’ve always dreamed of. But Luke has. He’s worked so hard to get to where he is, especially coming from where he did, and I bet he never even thought twice about giving it all up for you. And as always, you’re too selfish to think about anyone but yourself. Just like those damn ballet shoes. You are about to take away his dreams, do you even realize that? Do you even care? And I bet not once
did it dawn on you to consider Him. God, I hope this kid will never need anything from you, because you are incapable of thinking about anyone but yourself.”

  With those hurtful words lingering between us, she stands to her feet and walks out on me. I stand in my living room, alone, tears running down my face as I bleed from the emotional wounds I’ve suffered tonight.

  ********

  I called Luke not long after that talk with my sister. He wasn’t allowed anywhere near my father’s house, so I met him where I always did—in the little old school behind the abandoned church. I heard the rattle of his old beat up truck coming down the road. I watched as the man I loved more than anything in the world walk up to me. His long legs eat up the space between us, something his 6’3” frame did easily. He wraps his arms around me as soon as he is in front of me. I said I would be strong when I saw him, but I lied. I break down in his arms. The arms that I feel so protected in. The arms that has held me while making love to me, and the arms that has protected me in the face of some of the ugliness of the world. I love these arms.

  “Talk to me, Zora. What happened?”

  He knew I was going to tell my parents tonight. He begged for me to let him be with me, but I told him that for his safety it might not be a good idea. It was then, while he looked down at me from under the bent brim of his signature baseball cap, that he saw the welts that Daddy’s hand left on my dark brown skin.

  “He hit you?” I can see the anger spreading out over his features. “I’m going to handle this, Zo. He won’t get away with this.”

  I pull away and turn my back to him. I can’t do this with him if I continue to look at those beautiful hazel eyes. His eyes always reminded me of an Eric Carle book, with its vibrant greens, golds and browns. They are a perfect combination with his dark blonde hair. Even when I was a little girl, and I thought boys were made from snails and puppy dog’s tails, I knew that Luke was handsome. Back then he was so skinny, but now all the hard work has formed his body into lean muscles and hard abs. He is every bit the athlete.